4. Pig-Face Ugly

So, a quick recap. As you know, buskers are split into two factions – acoustic and electric, though there is occasional cross-breeding, absconding and genetic modification, and new hybrid models occasionally appear in both camps. You’ll probably start acoustic. But if you’ve got any sense, you’ll get the fuck away from those heathens, as soon as you can. 

 

Electric just means you use an amplifier.  

 

But Electric can then be divided into two further sub-divisions: Live or Backing Tape. Using a drum machine can still count as Live, but if that drum machine has added programmed bass or keyboard accompaniments, then that starts counting as Backing Tape. These details are important as they form a basis for the unspoken but silently concurred busking snobbery. The electric buskers who are Live, look down on those with Backing Tapes, and rightfully so. Fucking cretins. 

 

But hey, if that’s your gig, if you need recorded accompaniment to feel that you sound okay, then so be it, what’s done is done, we’ll say no more. Because the most important point here is – if you sound crap, you won’t earn any money. 

 

You’ll need some kind of quality to make it work, to make it worthwhile, to make a living. And it doesn’t hurt if that quality happens to be Sounding Good. There are a number of factors that will affect your efficacy, but if you happen to sound really, really good, it’ll help a lot. Amongst other things, it’ll make up for having a pig–ugly face. 

 

 

 

 

Personally, I started off acoustic but within six months I had borrowed the money to get a busking amp. I had no choice as I’d lost my voice through trying to sing too loud whilst learning that I didn’t actually know how to sing.  

 

With my voice gone but a new amp to try and do interesting things with on my guitar, I had to rely on my talents and imagination as an instrumentalist. Bugger. 

 

Fortunately (for everyone), my voice came back. 

 

So, I’d recommend you use an amp. And remember, there’s nowhere to plug in on the underground, batteries are not included, you need to bring your own, and some buskers play eight hours a day, sometimes at pretty disturbing volumes. Power management is an important issue. 

 

So, a quick look at your kitbag, a quick checklist of the finer things you’ll find useful to go out there, rockin’ in the free world. Man. 

 

Basic Ingredients: 

 

1 x Instrument. Anything, but even better (though not essential) if it’s one that you can play. 

 

1 x Voice. Again, not absolutely essential, but the better it is, the better your earning capability, whether you’re imitating an irritating Liam Gallagher, or wittily teasing Millwall fans about this season’s effeminate clothing collection. 

 

1 x Amplifier. Unless you want to go acoustic. You wanker. 

 

 

And then: 

 

1 x Heavy duty bag, containing: 

 

1 x Microphone 

 

1 x Microphone stand 

 

1 x Multi-effects unit. (You’ve got to keep it interesting for yourself) 

Several leads for above mentioned items, plus spares 

 

1 or 2 x 12V batteries 

 

A large handful of batteries, 9V and 1.5V 

 

3 litres of fluid (non-alcoholic) 

 

Plyers 

 

Small screwdriver 

 

Salt and pepper (For the sandwiches) 

 

Optional extras: 

 

1 x Tambourine 

 

1 x Towel 

 

Sandwiches (For the salt and pepper) 

 

So, including the bag itself, that’s about 13kg, or about two stones in old money, minimum, to go with your amplifier and instrument, about three and a half stone altogether that you’ll need to carry to your first pitch. And from then, if you’re doing your job properly, you’ll be replacing lost fluids with a steady trickle of coins. So the weight you’ll be carrying back will depend on how well and how long you played, but you have to be prepared to carry that same sort of weight all day. 

 

Or, alternatively, fuck it – learn to play the recorder. 

 

Anyhoo, join me next time and I’ll share with you yet more secrets you couldn’t possibly have worked out for yourself, in the next thrilling edition of: 

 

Buskabout! – The Busker’s guide to Busking!